I fully respect your concern towards me. I respect all advices I got from some of you since yesterday.
For one year, I kept silent, in a sense: there must be something wrong with me.
Maybe I am depressed, maybe I am not spontaneous, maybe (even that!) I am nationalist and xenophobic.
At the end, maybe I even am some (or all) of that. Maybe I came to Germany to discriminate them all.
The time will speak on my behalf.
What I wish to tell you here: what I need from my friends, is ("only") a dialogue. I need intellectuals around me, so that they tell me their views and to be my collocutors.
Not only about me, about my problems, my needs, my sexuality, my desires... my my my my... NO. But to tell me, what are your experiences, your views and perspectives.
Few days ago, in my "last" despair attempt to start conversation with some of my colleagues, I even told them: "Hey, people! We are intellectuals, and look how beautiful this Berlin square is. Like from Plato´s dialogues -- AGORA -- let´s speak here. Open minded, open hearts, ideas..."
(For over 10 years, I was suffering of agoraphobia. Not any more).
Some of you suggested me to go to some left / gay / alternative communities, or even to participate in some social movements. that seems to be the most reasonable idea.
But I didn´t want to believe that such particularisation would be necessary.
I even changed my dressing-style (no more too elegant clothes, to be more "like others"), I stopped reading poetry on the University, I read German newspaper in the cafe, when a girl (Jana) sit with me for few minutes in the cafe, I offered her half of my cake... What should I do?! (rhetorical question). btw. she rejected the cake.
Sometime I send some short e-mails to some of the participants on the same courses: "Hi, how are you..." Nothing too dark, too un-cool, too satanistic (LoL), nothing bizarre... But no one responded more than once, and even then just: "I am fine. Bye".
For those of you who know the story of Ulf, I changed cafe. It´s better in Bohnen Cafe.
I still hope that the mistake is within me -- that ´s the only way to correct it.